I Can't Hear You!!

Today I feel like, "I Can't Hear You", kind of a day. I want to do the right thing, but I guess I am feeling ... what? ...I don't know "deaf" to those little promptings for guidance.

This is the one year anniversary (makes it sound like a wonderful celebration) of when our son experienced a "bully" situation. At first it was easy to be loving and forgiving, and I was eager to put it behind, as I hugged the boy responsible and told him we loved him. Well...I am still eager to put it behind, but there are so many loose ends that continue to linger...

At first it didn't seem like a really big deal. Then we learned his face was fractured, requiring two plates and ten screws. Then another surgery to repair his eye lid. The donated graft was not big enough, so a graft was taken from his belly to complete the repair. Then he lost his vision in that eye. That was really scary, knowing only perfect eye vision is accepted for his dream of a military pilot. Gratefully his perfect vision was restored. Then another procedure, with three more follow-up procedures scheduled, to remove the row of eye lashes that grew inside his eye lid.

From the start he has been a trooper. He immediately asked us not to feel sorry for him, but rather pray for his healing, and for the boys involved, that they may change their lives for good. Although he has had a great attitude, emotional healing is still required. It is more challenging to know where we are in the emotional healing process. Again, because of his great attitude, I thought, not a big deal, but I did not know.

To date not only is it embarrassing for him that he got beat up, but so did his school work take a beating. Last semester his high school grades were very poor, which adds to his embarrassment. Prior to that semester, and currently his GPA is 4.0. The medical and emotional issues took a much bigger toll on him then we anticipated. He is finally well enough that he contacted his school counselor for guidance. This step is huge in his healing. It has been difficult for him to express himself, even just having an opinion has left him feeling vulnerable. We were quite proud of him. But her response was not encouraging to one who has been through so much. She just told him he would have to deal with the bad grades.

So what does this have to do with SGBD? I don't know...I just think there is something that I haven't learned. I feel deaf. I keep following through with every thing I can think of. Maybe I just need to be patient. We have been very blessed in many ways through these experiences. I am reminded of a welling meaning person saying to me after we lost our daughter, "You haven't gotten over that yet?". I was stunned. Maybe I am rushing myself and the process.

Thanks for wading through my ramblings. I hope it gives me better insight as to where I have been, where I am, and where I want to be. I am grateful for you and your prayers.